sad songs, they say so much

Hanging out in the livingroom (the coolest room in the house) with Glen while watching "The Tourist" on DVD. Glen doesn't seem interested yet. I hope there's an explosion or something to lure him in!

It's been a terribly hot day. We haven't left the house and tomorrow's not going to be any better. However, boredom will probably win and I'll go do SOMETHING SOMEWHERE tomorrow. I really want to go see Winnie the Pooh, but I'm afraid super hot days probably mean the theatres will be jam packed with annoying little kids. So, we'll wait a week or 2.

Monday Glen took me to the pain doc. We discussed how bad the pain was when we TRIED to drive to Maine. There are a few options, none of them great and certainly none guaranteed to work. So, for now my meds are changed and I'll let her know when I'm ready to try injections again. I'd have a new doctor for that, which is great 'cause the last doc was kind of a jerk. There's also a thing they implant in your back that sends out electrical signals that are meant to confuse the pain signals. Not thrilled with the idea of an "implant". Sounds painful and invasive. Hopefully it won't come to that.

My new TENS machine arrived today and I can't get it to work. Will fiddle about with it later.

Working a wee bit on my online class. Must really throw myself into it. I'll regret it later if I blow if off. It all comes down to feeling like I need a dedicated space to work. Of course, my studio is filled with tvs and video game systems (and video games) so it's overwhelming to think of making room for making art.

Small Haul to make a gloomy day brighter

Getting on with things...

It was another horribly hot day. I didn't fall asleep until early this morning so I slept a bit late. Glen got up and went to his doc appt. alone while I hid in the a/c. Turns out he had a staph infection in his nose. Will pick up his meds @ Target tomorrow.

My toenails are now flourescent pink and my terribly peel-y fingernails have a coat or 2 of "seaweed" on them. The sage green is strangely beautiful in it's dinginess. "The Soloist" is on tv and I'm half paying attention to it. RDJ is so damn good. Willow is sleeping on the couch across from me. I wonder what Glen and Emma are doing?

husbands that make tacos are good to have around

Just finished this book, which was both depressing and sort of dull.  For some reason I stuck with it 'til the end. It's about a young girl being raised by her junkie father. She sort of slips into prostitution due to her father's neglect. I almost didn't finish it, but am glad i did because it didn't end as depressingly as I expected it would.

 Currently reading this book.  Although I only liked Duran Duran for a few years (during Jr. High, maybe?) the book is an interesting flash back to the 80s.

Nearly done and then it's onto a book by Betty White. I believe she's written a few, so if this one is good I'll have to get the rest.

suprises from UPS

For some reason (uh, stress), my sleep has been even more messed up than usual. I fell asleep last night (I have no idea what time) and woke up about 4am. Despite my best intentions I haven't been able to sleep since. It's funny feeling cold in the morning, pulling on more clothes and piling on the blankets only to start peeling them back off and changing repeatedly as the day becomes oppessive. My computer is telling me it's 80 degrees, but it's pretty damn sunny and fairly humid. I've had a headache off and on for the last day or so and I swear I'm dehydrated. Of course, I drink more than any one person should have to so there's not much more I can do.

The buzzer rang this morning and since I wasn't expecting anything it was a BIG surprise when the UPS man brought an uber-heavy box up the stairs. He handed it to me and I almost dropped it the weight was so surprising. I brought it in the house, still wreaking my brain and could not figure out what would be so heavy, make the kind of "thunk" noises it did and arrive out of the blue. Well, I slid my scissors under the tape and SUPRISE!! My Allure beauty box!! I 100% forgot about it. As I unpacked item after item I was just amazed at the good value it is. The funny thing is, I don't need body wash, or facial cleanser, or hair products for blondes. Aside from the things I don't NEED, the items that are left are worth so much more than what I paid. Squee!! Already have some of the hair products in my hair. I'm tempted to try a facial cleanser, but I'm really trying to use things up so I don't have dozens and dozens of bottles hanging around. I will try some of the ROC facial products and probably wear the NYX lip cream. I hope this isn't a color I already have. Can't be certain because I've misplaced the 2 I just bought. d'oh!

and we are reminded that life is pretty hard

Not much going on. At least nothing I want to talk about. I am making my middle of the night plans that I hope I will be able to execute when the sun comes up. Clothes to return, insurance calls to make, product photos to shoot, computer to ship back and on an on. Yesterday I was feeling pretty good about working on some keychains for an animal shelter fundraiser. After a half hour, maybe longer, I looked down and saw the "permanent" ink smudged on my hand and careas that were supposed to be white. Sigh, here's hoping I can sand the black off the white sections. Also, I pulled out my prismacolor colored pencils (which are fairly expensive) and I'm missing 1/4 of them. Mostly earth tones I need for this project. WTH? So random. I don't think I'll bother buying them individually as I can get a pretty good discount on a large set. Just sucks that I have to.

The last few days I've not been feeling well. And, I'm pretty sure I've messed up my stomach meds. Not eating, no schedule = no reason to remember meds. Yesterday I almost went to the hosiptal over the stomach pain after calling my primary care and gastroenterologist, both of whom refused to prescribe Sucralfate and instead told me to go to the hospital. Yeah, it's going to take an awful lot to get me back there. Today I slept off and on and then late at night the pain started again. Finally, I took a damn pill and I'm hoping I can keep ot up and avoid the hospital. It's not the bills, as I'm pretty sure I'm completely covered now. It's just the damn PLACE. I can't sleep there, everything is germy and gross, it's depressing.

It was a bad, bad day

I am reminded that Karma is, indeed, a bitch. The situation here is not good and I know I have been less than kind lately. Could the bad fortune be my fault? Whether or not it is, it reminds me to be gentler and kinder in my everyday life. Honestly, I had been so much better in recent years, but something about living with the pain so long has pushed me to the edge of mean and cynical. I have many intentions, but my intention right now is to make it to church NO MATTER WHAT. I need to sort this out. I need to be better, live better and understand what I'm meant to be doing here.

GRATEFUL FOR:

• healthy family and friends
• love of my kitties
• art to escape into
• a roof over my head and food on the table
• intellect to handle a bad situation and make it better
• savings
• skills to make money
• cheap medication (that works SOMETIMES)
• warmer weather and sun to boost my spirit

PLANS

• art girl days / nights
• sell jewelry
• promote blog
• shoot pix
• bbq at the beach
• movies with gift certificates
• dinner out with Groupons
• swimming in Maine (need swimfins)